In the past, trying to determine where the Lord wanted me to be and what I was to be doing seemed as simple as praying about it and then watching doors close and others open, and then walking through the open doors. Proverbial doors of course. Like, if there were two opportunities presented to me, it would eventually become clear that one of those opportunities was The One.
Over the course of the past couple years, it has gotten more cloudy and complicated. There are suddenly multiple doors open, and we have to cling even closer to the Lord to know which ones to walk through, and which ones to walk past (but leave open? sorry to be hopping in and out of metaphor). Like, there are two opportunities, and we've had to fast and pray before we knew which opportunity was The One, because both doors seemed wide open. And if we walk through one door, does it mean that the other door closes, or does it stay open, to walk through another time? Things are more complicated because we are not only just responsible to the Lord and ourselves, but now to our children as well. When we are presented with an opportunity or a new idea, we have always asked, is this where the Lord wants us? But now we also think through, how will this affect our family? And of course we know that ultimately the Lord will care for our family regardless of what decision we make, but as responsible people we still ask the second question. Is this what the Lord wants for us as a family?
Anyway, metaphors and doors aside, over the course of the past 2+ years, we have been in constant transition, trying to determine what it is that the Lord wants us to do, and to where he is calling us. And it doesn't seem as simple as it once did. We have had to pray and consider and think and fast and tell people "no" even when on paper it seemed like a definite "yes." And we've been told "no" in scenarios where we longed for a "yes." It's been a lot of waiting and praying. And of course waiting "teaches patience," but also I think that waiting is sometimes necessary for more than just that. Sometimes, I think, waiting is necessary because things simply take time. Things don't happen all at once, and we have to wait for certain details to fall into place. Experiences need to happen, skills need to be earned. "Learning patience" is just icing on the cake. Or gravy on the potatoes for my savory audience. In today's Samuel reading, we see Jonathan discerning what the Lord wants him to do. If this happens, then we will go this direction. If that happens, then we will go that direction. For him it is still just as simple as the Lord closing one door and opening another. Jonathan has complete trust that the Lord can help him, and determines that He will.
I don't think that Steve or I are lacking in trust. We've seen the Lord lead us on many adventures and carry us through loneliness and difficulty in the past, and we have no reason to believe now is any different. But perhaps the cloudiness and complication is due to too much clutter in our lives and in the way we spend our time?
I am lately on a decluttering and sorting and minimalist kick with our material possessions. Soon (but at a yet undetermined date. PATIENCE!) we will again move. Again. Clearly we have been wandering like the Israelites in the desert these past couple of years, waiting for our Promised Land, and a large majority of our things have been in boxes the entire time, as we have lived in one sort of temporary housing or another. I know, the wandering in the desert is a terrible analogy, and there are plenty of people who wished they had it so good (we have always had a place to stay, and food to eat, and pride to swallow), but we just want to be somewhere we can call home and dig roots. We haven't had that. And we are aching for community and roots. We are working on that. And in this upcoming move (which in the long run will be temporary...but we know we will likely be there at least a year, maybe more...hopefully more), I have decided that we are not going to live out of boxes. We are not going to keep moving and storing the same things year after year. We are going to make a home. We will sort through everything and get rid of everything we don't need and have a big garage sale before we move to throw off everything that hinders us.
We don't know what the future holds for us exactly, and I am trying really hard to live in the present. Trying really hard to do now well. Though I do think that every experience we have is to prepare us for something...in the future. Sorry. My number two strength is futuristic. I have a really hard time living in the present. Even my present is just help for the future. So anyway, I've felt this call to simplicity and minimalism. We are not even close to there, but it is a process! And it dawned on me recently that this not only has to do with material stuff, but other things in life...that get in the way of being able to see clearly and simply where the Lord is leading. Yes, I am trying to tie this all together. It is long-winded, but it all made sense in my head from the very beginning of the post. Thanks for sticking it out. So I am also thinking about this Other Stuff, and what it could be. Along with the way I think about material possessions, I also need to do some inventory on how I spend my time and where I devote my energy. What do I read? How much do I spend in front of a screen? What do I do that is of quality, and what is a waste?
Do you ever think of these things? How do you know where the Lord wants you to be, and what he wants you to do? What things hinder you in the race of life?
I have always gotten a little annoyed whenever it seemed like someone only said "God is so good!" only when good things were happening. Well I'm here to tell you. Times are hard, but God is still good. He is teaching us and carrying us, and leading us on a great adventure. We just don't know exactly what these experiences are preparing us for, but it will all make sense some day. I hope.
Oh! And every good blogpost needs a picture. You guys, this blog will never earn any money. I am way too long-winded, inconsistent, and don't self-promote very well. But by golly, I do follow some rules. Like, good blogposts having a picture. In all of my unpacking and sorting, I finally FINALLY found our Jesus Storybook Bible. It has been in a box for over 2 years. I almost thought it was lost for good and then I found it the other day. Prodigal book! We've been reading it for bedtime, and I'm pretty sure I love it the most. For now. Anyway tonight we read the story of Abraham and Sarah learning they would be parents in their old age. After so long, their dreams were coming true...though not in the way they would have imagined in their wildest...dreams. If anyone can relate to waiting on the Lord and wondering and hoping and leaving things behind, it's Abraham and Sarah. This picture from the book is just so beautiful. This old, hopeful couple. Holding what the Lord promised them.
